A Big Pot of Stew

Who doesn't love a good stew...especially here in the northern climates? I am picturing a big pot bubbling on the stove of some beef, carrots, potatoes, onions (don't tell the kids...), topped off with homemade dumplings. Stew definitely makes my top ten favorite foods.

There's another kind of stew, and I'm not talking about chicken. I'm talking about a big cauldron of "I can't believe you...", "and then he..." with a little bit of "how dare you..." thrown in for good measure. I'm talking about the kind of stewing we do when things don't go our way. We rehash. We think of everything we should have said, and will definitely say next time it comes up. We simmer with the lid barely on, just waiting for the right time to spill our bubbly mess all over the one who has it coming. As I write this, I am picturing a pot of potatoes almost ready to boil over, starchy water caked on the outside of the pot, the lid jiggling in anticipation of sending angry torrents of water all over my stove. I hate that kind of mess because it just gets everywhere.

Kind of like stewing about something does. But I'll be honest...I used to like the stewing about something almost as much as the eatin' kind of stew. I am a natural brooder. I chalk it up to my highly analytical, need-to-be-right nature, so I know firsthand what a mess stewing makes. I used to stew for just the right amount of time...long enough to make the other person feel bad, which was the goal, but not long enough that they got mad back at me and I ended up having to apologize for stewing. Which I wouldn't have had to do if they didn't deserve it in the first place...can you just see the stainless steel lid on my head starting to jiggle with the threat of boiling over again.

The antidote is forgiveness, plain old grace. It is choosing (yes, Virginia, there is a choice) to look past the offense. Not easy, I know. Sometimes the easiest explanations are the hardest to implement. It is remembering that love covers a multitude of sins...his, mine, and ours. Focusing on the whatever's is a good place to start too. Whatever is good, true, noble, praiseworthy, parking your mind on these things instead of the not so good stuff that seems to be more readily available sometimes. Choose to see the positive, regularly, and the negative starts to fade. Not because it isn't there, but because you aren't always looking for it. Make a habit of pointing out one good thing, every day, about the people who drive you nuts. Soon you will see them in a different light.

Like Luanne and Jon taught this week, marriage takes work. A good solid marriage is intentional. It requires feeding and nurturing, like raising a child. Consider all the work we put into raising our kids to make sure they turn out just right, but how much conscious effort do we put into our marriages? Let's practice good communication and friendship building with the relationship that is supposed outlast all others this side of heaven.

I pray that as you go forward, you will see your husband in a new light, with less bubbling going on under  your lid...

 p.s. Moving on isn't always easy. I posted a devotional on forgiveness over on my personal blog. Click here to read it.