Friendship

In an informal study, about 70% of moms attend Mom Time in hopes of meeting new friends. In a formal study done by UCLA, friendships between women are shown to release oxytocin in the brain, which is the feel-good neurotransmitter. When women are stressed, being close to their friends has a calming effect...and all God's girls said "Duh!" We know all this instinctively, but getting from standing in the same room with a bunch of moms and growing in a friendship is a process, but not impossible.

In researching for this talk, I found an article on Wiki-how with featuring 23 steps to making friends, which I condensed for our lesson. You can read the full article here.

The first thing you need to do is smile. Picture what your face is doing when you aren't thinking about what your face is doing. Do you look like the kind of person someone wants to start a conversation with, or do you look stressed out and preoccupied, like you don't want to be bothered? Sometimes we send out "Back Off!" messages without knowing it, so think about your expression.

Second, speak up. Learn to make small talk. In a group like MT, you have some givens. Everyone has kids, so use that as a conversation starter. I am not a naturally outgoing person, so sometimes I pretend to be someone brave if I'm nervous about starting a conversation. Eventually it starts to flow. If talking to others really leaves you wanting to faint, have a standard line you use. Compliment the sweater or hairstyle of every person you meet if that is what it takes to break the ice. When you close your conversation, if you haven't done so already, introduce yourself. "By the way, my name is so and so." The next time you see this person, you will already have a connection to build on.

Let's assume you've smiled and made a little small talk, and your conversation is coming to a close. If you want to further the connection, arrange a get-together. Invite them to coffee, or suggest you take the kiddoes to the park one day. If you've discovered a hobby in common, plan something along those lines.

Making friends as adults can be difficult, but we were made for connection; friendships add richness to life. Once you've made a friend, follow the Four B's:

• Be a good friend. Sounds redundant, but what I mean is be interested in them. Don't just have friends to support your life, but so you can enrich theirs as well. Remember birthdays. Listen to their dreams. Sometimes just sitting with someone is the kindest act you can provide.
• Be trustworthy, and trusting. Don't share their business with everyone else just because you got the scoop on something. It's called gossip and will destroy the foundation of a friendship faster than anything. Also trust them...give them the benefit of the doubt if they are snarky towards you. Don't be quick to write them off; maybe they've had an awful day and you called at the wrong time.
• Be reliable. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you are meeting up with them, don't be late. It implies that their time isn't as valuable as yours.
• Be there. Friendship requires sacrifice. In Proverbs, we're told that a friend loves at all times. In John 3:16, we're taught that God so loved the world that He gave His Son. Love gives. When friendships get hard, or it isn't just all fun and games, don't bail. You will miss growing the deepest sweetest relationship with someone who probably needs you more than ever. Watch her kids, make her a meatloaf, offer to run an errand. Invest in your friendship, and it will pay off.

Love you girls! See you next week!
Debbie